I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
