i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
