Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
