i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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