my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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