best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
