Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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