Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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