That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
