I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so let's talk penis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
