this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
