just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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