her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
