Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
