so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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