You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
