he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
