see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
