belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
