I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
