I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
