if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
