Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
