He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
