You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
