If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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