my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it was like eating out sand paper
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize