Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A bitchslap is in order.
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