I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
