My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
