She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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