hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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