i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
