apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
