He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
