Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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