My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
