Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my shit smells like andre
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
