Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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