I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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