she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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