and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
