You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
