You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
