I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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