when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
