I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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