me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
