6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
