I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
