so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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