i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
