4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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