Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
