you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
