We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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