True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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