So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
