i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
