Pappa wants mamma naked
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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