I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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