You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
