So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
