Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
