My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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