i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
