Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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