We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
