Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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