please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
