you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
