My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
