There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
