I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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